Apple and I
She is in black and I am in white. I am stained by black and she is teinted by white.
We look alike in some ways but in contradiction in others. I let very few people approaching me, rarely showing my true self. But I couldn't help it, she rushed on me like a tornado and nothing couldn't stop her. I couldn't even hide myself. Geez!
How dare you ?
Damn, you broke all the walls surrounding me that I had carefully built. You made me open my heart, get out of my silence, rage, swallow my pride, forgive, admit my faults, and finally say : « Fuck you ! »
You know so well how to make me mad. The worst part of it : We curse and we laugh out loud.
While I spent my energy, my time, taking care of the others, even if I did it during years. When it comes to me, people weirdly tends to forget me. I took the bad habit to depress for my birthday, to me, it's hard to age. [ I am not old, Huh! ] No matter if there are people around me or not, I always end up my day drinking wine and smoking alone in the dark. (Don't judge harshly the poor me! )
I never regret what I did for others, I always do it with my heart. I know, I am cureless. Indeed, I can't let someone in need whithout trying to help. However, rares are the ones grateful, rares are the ones I stay in touch with, rares are the ones to even appreciate what I did for them.
You know what Apple, you always tell me that you envy me. But to be honest, between us, if there's someone who envy the other, it's me. Because I had to grow up fast, because I was forced to become adult at an age I shouldn't. Because I made some choices, because I can't go back in time, I missed many things. And you make me think of how I could be.
Days ago, it was my birthday, when few remembered me, you made my day. Yes, you and your craziness, you and your silliness, you and your perviness, you and your emotions, you and your golden heart. If I had wished something, I would want to have you as my real sister.
Despite the distance, despite our differences, I cherish the moments I spend in your company. It's priceless to have you goofing around. To have such a drama queen in my life is such a privilege !
While you admire me, I always think that I am a real mess, I always find a way to convince myself that I am worthless.
From the bottom of my tiny heart, I thank you to see me with the eyes of yours.
Even if you call me « weirdo », I love you.
PS : English is not my first language … Grammar nazy? Hmmm ... No thanks ... so … Shhh you !